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| Sunny's first photo at the shelter |
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| Early days at the shelter |
Unfortunately, Sunny's behavioral concerns weren't limited to food guarding. She quickly started to manifest general guarding. Toys, water bowl, blanket. Anything she felt like was hers she was willing to guard. It wasn't all the time, but unpredictably outside of obvious food resources. She also began to show barrier aggression in her crate and in her individual pen. She would bark, growl and snap vigorously at staff when they came up to her pen. Again, this wasn't all the time but unpredictably. There were many nights in Sunny's 1 year and 1 month stay in the shelter I got a call before or after I was at work from the kennel tech telling me they couldn't safely get her out of her pen.
Jonathan and I started to take Sunny off campus for field trips twice weekly in February 2014. We never missed a week. These field trips were fun, but stressful. When out with Sunny we had to be constantly vigilant to ensure no other dog or person ever came within touching range of Sunny. We planned our weeks around getting her out so she could get a small part of what she needed and enjoy a bit of a regular life. We learned she was not blatantly leash reactive to other dogs or people. We knew she could never meet a person on leash because we had figured out at the shelter she would quickly snap at new people. However, she was very enjoyable to get out and about. She and Celery were quick friends. Celery was the only dog Sunny was friends with at that time. Later in the year we would introduce Sunny to Angel who had some significant leash reactivity. We wanted them to be okay in the same car together so we could go to Nosework events with both of them. I don't even understand it, but when they met on leash it went perfectly!
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| Sunny and Celery |
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| Sunny, Celery and Angel |
During the first half of 2014 I would spend a lot of time before and after work with Sunny. Since she was living in an individual pen, I wanted to ensure she had her physical and emotional needs met. It was a lot and I found myself at times being at work more than I was at home. I had developed an incredibly intense bond with Sunny during all our time together.
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Despite the hundreds of hours spent with her doing behavior modification and enrichment (she even earned her Novice Trick Dog Title - video below), I knew Sunny was a dog that could not be trusted. I was very aware of the fact that this dog would bite me in the right situation. I'm not talking about doing something extreme. I am referring to normal shelter handling. Even though I was Sunny's singular trusted person, I knew there was a chance I could get bitten in normal handling (going into her pen, getting her out of the crate in the car, etc). That is a very odd and heartbreaking feeling knowing this animal you have given your whole heart, soul and time to is still willing to bite.
In the summer of 2014, Jonathan and I started part-time fostering Sunny. It became easier to let her come and stay at our house the days I was off from work. That way she didn't have to be at the shelter any days I was not there. It was safer for my staff and better for Sunny. At our house she had to stay in our extra bedroom. With her guarding issues and inability to share attention, she could not be out with our other dogs in the house. She and Celery did do fantastic playing in our backyard together. I don't really understand it. Sunny let Celery do things I never thought Sunny would be okay with in play. It is like they were meant to be friends. In all of Sunny's time in the shelter, not one person truly expressed interest in adopting her.
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| Napping on my desk at work |
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| Her first snow at the shelter |
Things remained the same during the second half of 2014. While Sunny wasn't officially a Linneman, I felt like she was our dog, just not living full-time with us. It was extremely draining getting her needs met on top of our regular life and needs of our dogs and cats. Tragically, on January 2, 2015 we lost Angel to a very unexpected diagnosis of cancer. It happened quickly and we lost her much too young at the age of 10. We had just lost my first dog the month before. We had gone through great loss in a short amount of time. During our loss with Angel I had Sunny staying back at the shelter. She had been there for 6 straight days which was the longest straight stay she had in the last 4 months. By day 6 she was incredibly stressed and had spent the entire day vomiting. I knew she could not live at the shelter any longer (on top of the stress of pure terror getting her fluids and meds to help with her vomiting).
As an organization we decided that Sunny was unsafe to adopt out into the public. We felt like the general public could not handle her safely. We decided to euthanize her. After much discussion, Jon and I decided to adopt her and give her a few months of the best life we could. That was January 22, 2015.
We continued on with Sunny as we had been when she was a foster. She had her own room and would only play outside in the backyard with Celery. When we spent time with her it had to be only her and none of our other dogs or cats. Due to Sunny's behavioral issues, I have to admit, I was afraid to sleep in bed with her. You would never know at times what she would decide to guard from you. We still did multiple field trips a week and continued on with her doing Nosework. She had gotten her birch ORT in October 2014, so we were working towards her NW1.
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| The top of Kennesaw Mountain |
I am not a person that believes in putting humans at risk because of a dog. I truly believe Sunny posed more of a risk to Jon and myself than strangers. This of course meant that she never got near another human...ever. As most of you saw we never did any Nosework trial unless both Jon and I were there. We took extreme caution which included me as the handler being vigilant and Jon as an extra set of eyes to ensure no one ever came near her. Again, Jon and I were at a greater risk of being bitten than anyone she didn't know. Every day we had to be careful with any of her resources and at time barrier issues.
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| Her first hotel stay |
In May of 2015 Sunny started to have anxiety in the room she lived in. We decided to see how she would do living full time in our master bedroom. It helped her anxiety greatly and she was incredibly happy and delighted to be in there. It was very quickly that I started to sleep in our (or as it came to be known, Sunny's room) room at night and Jon would sleep on the couch with the rest of our kids (our dogs and cats are our kids). This is how we would spend most of the next 1.5 years, sleeping apart. There would be times Jon would try to come to bed when Sunny and I were in bed and she would growl at him. We still had issues with barrier aggression with her even at home. Her door also had a metal baby gate on it. If you opened her door and hesitated slightly at the gate Sunny would growl and occasionally snap at you.
When we would go on Nosework trips to hotels, we would get two beds so Jon could have one and I could be in one with Sunny. I remember laughing to myself at Sunny's NW1. The night of the trial when we got back to the hotel, I was having a difficult time safely getting Sunny out of her crate. She was lunging, snapping and growling at me for just trying to unlatch her crate door. It was intense, but I was able to get her out. It still amazes me how we were able to get her NW1 first time but I had to really work to get her out of her crate from the car without getting bitten.
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| NW1 trial |
The year continued by in the same fashion. I know from what I have written it sounds like Sunny was a horrible dog. She truly wasn't. She was such a dichotomy because she was the most affectionate and needy dog I have ever met. She always wanted to be right with us and having her tummy rubbed. This girl lived for tummy rubs. She was a champion spooner. Some of my favorite memories are lying in bed with her snuggling. She was also one of the funniest dogs I have met. Her intelligence was staggering, but so was her ability to always make me smile or laugh. She was a doofus.
I think Jon and I had become so used to Sunny being an integral part of our life and routine it was hard to see all the work that went into having her in the family. I am the first to admit the rest of our kids paid for having Sunny as ours. Jon and I had talked over her first year being with us about how we had said we would keep her just a few months. Clearly, we kept her much longer than that. It was hard. We could not travel together unless Sunny was with us. There was no one that could ever watch Sunny safely. Not that we are huge travelers, but these are all the little things that add up when you realize you live with a dog like Sunny. Trimming her nails was a bit of a scary proposition. I would double muzzle Sunny and Jon would hold her so I could trim her nails. It was something that definitely got our adrenaline flowing. Even things as simple as a normal injury or health concern for most dogs wouldn't be a big deal. With Sunny, it was. In early 2016 Sunny had torn a nail. Luckily with my vet tech background and access to what we needed, we were able to care for her at home. However, it was stressful knowing that if she ever got injured she might react by biting us as we tried to care for her as she needed.
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| Getting her NW2 |
During her time with us, Sunny got her NW1 and NW2. Her NW2 was hard. It took us 3 tries. I will never forget when she got her last element. I yelled out loud. It is a memory that is with me very vividly to this day. I don't have human kids, but I can't imagine the joy and pride you feel in them. I still well with tears thinking about how proud I am of my girl for what she was able to accomplish and her trust and faith she put in me.
It is amazing how fast time went from when we took her home officially in January 2015 to the early part of summer 2016. It was just our life and what we did. In my 22 years in rescue and all of the amazing animals that have been a part of my life personally and professionally, I don't know that I have ever had a relationship as intense, powerful and deep as with Sunny. Jon and I like to compare it to being in an abusive relationship. Just a few weeks before we lost her Sunny growled at me while we were lying in bed. It broke my heart and my spirit.
I unfortunately have been a part of way too many behavioral euthanasias in my line of work. Some of those dogs I have loved and had as my own. This wasn't our first dog we had adopted specifically to euthanize. Sunny was our fourth. However, I wasn't up for the task of deciding when. I was so attached to her I didn't have the ability to make that decision. If you have ever had to euthanize a physically healthy dog who has mental health issues, it is one of the worst decisions you can make. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I wasn't strong enough to do it, but knew it was time. We could not keep living our life with two groups of dogs and a dog who had the potential to hurt Jon or me (or one of our kids). It was exhausting and dictated every portion of our life.
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| Carillon Beach |
In early summer 2016 we agreed that we would let Sunny go before Labor Day 2016. While we had dedicated most of the last 2.5 years to her, we made sure she really had everything we could dream she wanted. She had already traveled with us for Nosework and we had taken her to the beach earlier in the year. I dedicated almost all the time I had outside of work to her. We even rented a cabin and went away with her to the mountains a few weeks before we let her go. Hiking and swimming were some of her favorite things to do so we did that almost constantly.
It was some of the most amazing times I had spent with her. It was hard not to think about this is the last time we'll do (fill in the blank). This girl truly is the most intelligent, loving, intense and complicated dog I have had the joy and heartbreak to work with. It didn't even seem real. Very quickly months turned to weeks turned to days.
We let Sunny cross the Rainbow Bridge on the afternoon of August 30, 2016. It is the worst grief, pain and heartache I have ever experienced...due to the love and pride I felt in her and how she was essentially my identity for almost 3 years. I had let myself become completely immersed in her. I consider myself fairly level-headed with difficult euthanasia cases, but I had lost myself to her. I truly believe she was meant to come to my shelter and be our dog. That comes with huge responsibility knowing that she was physically able to be alive but I chose to end my best friend's life. I hope she knows how much we love her and miss her daily. It has been almost 4 weeks since her loss. As I finally am able to tell her story I find myself sobbing hysterically while writing this.
This dog was everything to me. I wish I could have given her more but am proud of the life she was able to have. I am forever indebted to my most amazing and generous husband who took this ride with me. I don't know that I have ever met someone as selfless and giving as Jonathan. He has been my rock through this all. If you have survived my long rambling about Sunny, thank you for taking the time to read this.
Jonathan - Thank you for giving me the gift of letting Sunny be our family. She loved you dearly and I know the sacrifice you made in giving her the life she had. I love you more than I know how to express.
To Sunny - You are my best friend. I wish I could have given you more than I did. You will be with me my entire life and always a part of who I am. Thank you for allowing me to be your family. I love you, always. |
| Smoky Mountains trip |
